She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
