I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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