girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
