i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
