i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
