Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
