Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
