I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
