I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
