i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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