No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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