I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
