Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
