we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
