So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
