I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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