i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
