My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My pussy is not your playground.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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