I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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