Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
