I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
