jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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