My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
