Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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