True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
