Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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