is your mom at the bar?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
