In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
