I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
