I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
