I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
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I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.