I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.