I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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