no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
