that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
