Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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