Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You ruined the universe
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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