You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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