i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
