it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
