so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Panties = found
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