I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
