just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
