what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I could have mohawked her pubes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
