Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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