I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
