my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
