Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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