PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
