I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
