i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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