I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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