Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
