it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage