dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.