This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
