this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
