Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
