my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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