READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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