I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
