This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Mom said you looked used
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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