The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They have beer where we have blood.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
